{"id":2067,"date":"2023-05-09T11:39:48","date_gmt":"2023-05-09T11:39:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/employeesmatter.co.uk\/?p=2067"},"modified":"2023-10-22T13:37:31","modified_gmt":"2023-10-22T13:37:31","slug":"in-her-own-words-margo-fowkes-on-grieving-while-working","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/employeesmatter.co.uk\/in-her-own-words-margo-fowkes-on-grieving-while-working\/","title":{"rendered":"In Her Own Words: Margo Fowkes on grieving while working"},"content":{"rendered":"

The pandemic put us in touch with many collective emotions especially grief. Yet even as the work world normalizes with remote and hybrid options, grief and loss continue. We still aren\u2019t sure how to deal with our coworkers or colleagues in a respectful, caring manner. Margo has some suggestions based on her own experience.<\/em><\/p>\n

“When my son Jimmy died of brain cancer at the age of 21, I discovered it was the smallest acts that meant the most. A handwritten card, a well-timed text message, a specific offer of help. Most of all, it was hearing family members and close friends say Jimmy\u2019s name and share memories or stories about him.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve spent the past 25 years helping organizations and leaders navigate a range of challenges, setbacks and losses. But it wasn\u2019t until the death of my son that I came to understand how isolating grief can be and just how ill-prepared most organisations are to support a grieving employee.<\/p>\n

When a loved one dies, most companies provide less than a week of bereavement leave, based on the perceived importance of the relationship. If a parent or child passes away, the employee might receive four days; if an in-law, grandparent, aunt or uncle dies, they might receive only one. While the employee\u2019s manager and colleagues may send flowers and attend the funeral service (if appropriate), far too many people return to work to find that no one will say a word about their loss.<\/p>\n

Complicating all this is that no two people will react to a life-altering loss the same way, making it challenging to create hard and fast policies. One colleague may need extended time off while another will return to the office quickly, seeking a distraction or reprieve from their sadness. Because very few managers get any training on how to support a grieving team member, they default to guessing as to what might be most helpful, often hoping that if they give their employee time and space, the person will recover on their own.<\/p>\n

While many organisations can\u2019t afford to provide weeks of bereavement leave, reduced hours or even a decreased workload, every one of us can be kind. We can acknowledge our coworker\u2019s heartbreaking loss, both when it happens and after they return to work. We can say the name of the person who\u2019s died and listen if our colleague wants to talk. We can help with projects and tasks and cover for them if they need an afternoon off. We can check in frequently and offer to be a second set of eyes if they\u2019re struggling with mistakes. We can ask what support looks like for them, instead of guessing about what they might need. Most of all, we can suspend our judgment about their grief and remain supportive, even if we think we would act differently in a similar situation.<\/p>\n

Grief is a natural and universal response to loss, yet instead of pulling us together, too often we allow it to push us apart. Open conversations and kindness make a big difference for an employee who\u2019s lost one of their most important people. These small acts yield big returns in deeper engagement, increased retention and stronger connections, benefits that far outweigh the time and effort it takes.<\/p>\n

Margo Fowkes
\n<\/em>President, OnTarget Consulting, Author, Leading Through Loss: How to Navigate Grief at Work, Loomis, California<\/em><\/p>\n

This article was originally published on Bizwomen.com<\/a> on April 27, 2023.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The pandemic put us in touch with many collective emotions especially grief. Yet even as the work world normalizes with remote and hybrid options, grief and loss continue. We still aren\u2019t sure how to deal with our coworkers or colleagues in a respectful, caring manner. 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