How to start a supportive conversation with a colleague

When a colleague seems to be struggling: starting the conversation

It isn’t always obvious when someone is having a difficult time. You might notice that a colleague has become quieter, seems distracted or is finding things harder than usual. For managers, knowing how to check in sensitively can make it easier to offer support while respecting what someone feels comfortable sharing.

You don’t need to know exactly what is wrong before you speak to them. Start with what you have noticed, make time to listen and explore whether anything at work could help.

Choose a moment that gives them space

A quick “Are you OK?” between meetings might be well meant, but it can be difficult to answer honestly when other people are nearby or there is somewhere else to be.

Find a private moment when you have time for a conversation. If you work remotely, offer a one-to-one call and let them know what it is about so an unexpected meeting invitation doesn’t add to their worries.

Try to avoid making assumptions about the cause. Changes in someone’s behaviour can have many explanations, and it is their choice whether to tell you about their personal circumstances.

“What you could say
“I’ve noticed you seem a bit quieter recently, so I wanted to check in. How are things, and is there anything at work that would help?”

Listen before offering solutions

When someone shares something difficult, it can be tempting to reassure them straight away or suggest what you would do. Give them time to explain before deciding what might help.

Listen without interrupting, acknowledge what they have said and ask whether they would like to talk through practical support. Avoid comparing their experience with your own or looking for a positive angle before they have had a chance to be heard.

You can be supportive without having an answer.

“What you could say
“Thank you for telling me. What feels most difficult at work at the moment?”
“Would it help to talk through some options, or would you prefer me to listen for now?”

Keep personal disclosure optional

Someone might want help with their workload without discussing what is happening at home. They may also need time before they feel ready to talk.

Respect that boundary. You can discuss deadlines, working arrangements or other practical concerns without asking for the full story.

If they say they are fine or don’t want to talk, leave the invitation open without repeatedly pressing them. Where there are specific work concerns, explain those clearly and discuss them separately, rather than using a wellbeing conversation to introduce unexpected criticism.

“What you could say
“You don’t need to share anything personal. We can focus on what would make work more manageable.”

Turn the conversation into practical support

A caring conversation matters, but so does what happens afterwards. Ask which parts of work are currently difficult and explore what you can reasonably change together.

Depending on the role and circumstances, that might include:

• Agreeing which tasks take priority and what can wait.
• Reviewing deadlines or temporarily redistributing work.
• Allowing flexibility around appointments or caring responsibilities.
• Providing clearer written instructions or time to prepare for meetings.
• Discussing access to HR, occupational health or an employee assistance programme, where available.

Be clear about what you can agree yourself and what needs further discussion. If you need to check an option, tell them when you will come back with an answer.

Be thoughtful about privacy

Before involving anyone else, explain what information may need to be shared, with whom and why. Wherever possible, agree this together and keep the information limited to what is needed to arrange support.

Avoid promising absolute confidentiality. There may be circumstances where you need to involve an appropriate person, particularly if there is a serious concern about someone’s safety. Follow your organisation’s procedures and be open about the next step.

Colleagues usually need to understand any changes to work arrangements; they do not need someone’s personal story.

Agree a follow-up

Support needs can change, so agree a time to check whether the arrangements are helping. A simple follow-up also shows that the conversation mattered beyond the moment it happened.

Keep any agreed actions clear and manageable, and record them in line with your organisation’s policies.

“A useful way to close
“Let’s agree what would help this week, then check in again next Tuesday. Would that work for you?”

Make checking in part of everyday management

People may find it easier to raise concerns when regular conversations already include workload, pressures and support. You don’t need to wait until someone appears overwhelmed.

Questions such as “How manageable is your workload?” and “Is there anything getting in the way?” can give colleagues an opening without asking them to disclose something personal.

The aim is to create a working relationship where someone can ask for help and expect a thoughtful, practical response.

How Employees Matter can help

Employees Matter works with organisations to build understanding of the experiences that can affect people’s working lives. Through informative webinars, seminars and lived-experience conversations, we help managers and colleagues explore sensitive topics, develop empathy and consider what support can look like in practice.

Whether you are planning a manager session, a network event or a wider wellbeing programme, we can help you choose an approach that reflects your organisation’s needs.

To discuss support for your organisation, contact info@employeesmatter.co.uk.