Not so long ago I read a letter, written and sent by the wife and carer of a gentleman living with early onset dementia, to a national newspaper. The full range of emotions expressed by her made me feel compelled to comment not least because they are undoubtedly shared by so many spouses (and indeed sons and daughters) the length and breadth of the country.
Namely; love, compassion, exhaustion, frustration, resentment, anger and guilt.
The writer was supported by visiting carers four times per day, had received counselling and been offered “time out” and considered herself to be “better off than many people” but after five years she felt she was struggling to cope.
She was as mindful of her daughter’s right to live the life she had created for herself as she was of her husband’s wish not to be cared for in a care home and there-in lay her feelings of despair.
The response her letter was given by the columnist was equally compelling. She described humanity, goodness and selflessness but also delivered a compassionate reminder of just how important it is to accept help offered by friends and family for that close relative’s sake as well as for the health and wellbeing of the care giver. She also points out that there often comes a time when 24-hour care provided by experienced and trained professionals is the right care option.
I couldn’t agree more. The message is clear – if you find yourself caring for a relative do not be too quick to turn down additional support. This may come from a range of health and social care professionals, the voluntary sector, other family members or friends. Furthermore, open your eyes to alternative care solutions. You are, after all, only human and a promise made based on historic facts may well need to be revisited in the best interests of the person in need of care and your own health and wellbeing.
According to Carers UK, more than 1 in 8 adults in the UK care for a family member or friend. You are not alone. You are one of many people in need of advice and support and it is there if you know where to look.
Claire Edwards
Eldercare Consultant